Nov 19

2012

by Wil Knoll · 0 comments

Did they just end that move with a pee joke?

Well, it’s a very pretty movie.

2012 has everything a good disaster movie requires. Amazingly huge CGI action sequences, fathers saying goodbye to sons, mothers holding daughters, tense moments and a smattering of laughs are heavily represented. Multiple stories following intertwined characters, shiny cars, crazy technology, and an insane explanation for why the disaster is happening is also checked off the list. It’s got it all. It’s a fun watch. But it’s too much. It’s about an hour too much. It’s got way too much everything.

Sure, seeing that limo just barely make it across that gap the first time is awesome. Seeing the plane take off just as the runway beneath is crumbles is breathtaking. The first time. Maybe even the second time. But by the third time around something *just barely* makes it I’m bored and wondering who got paid to write this. If the point was just to continually write excuses for special effect shots (which, I guess, a disaster movie kind of is…) well, you win. But honestly, it gets boring. Or I got bored. Maybe I expect too much from movies with budgets in the $200 million plus range.

But the tension just ebbs away. The third time that a plane just makes it over an obstacle, or through a building beautifully cascading down into a massive fissure, or out runs a super volcano smoke plume (it’s all interchangeable really), I just stopped caring. And it just kept coming.

“Oh my god is he going to make it out of the car teetering ? Oh man, is he hanging on the cliff edge or gone? Eh, so, is he dead in the submersed gear housing or is did he make it? Anyone else want to go for a donair? What are you all waiting for? Oh come on, you know he’s going to make it out of the water filled conduit, the movie is following him. And did his ex-wife just kiss him about three minutes after her husband was crushed?”

Don’t get me wrong, it was still exciting as all hell, and still fun. The cinematography is fairly gorgeous. The acting is surprisingly palatable. But there is a weird pacing issue. The is almost no solid section where the arc goes up and up and up. It’s peppered too heavily with teary goodbye scenes. More and more layers, connections and plots are just jammed in right beside each other so tight that they can never let the situation get anywhere without checking in on about six locations and three plot lines.

It’s just too much, that it ends up being not much at all. Just a pretty movie.

Tyler over at spincity.org absolutely loved it. “2012 is the best bits of the worst popcorn flicks you’ve ever seen. In short, I loved every second of it.” I agree about the best bits of the worst flicks, but it bored me in the end. Tally over at tallycola.com had better advice. “2012 is as crack as you would expect. Go see it, but don’t pay full price, and probably get tanked first. It’ll be fun.”

You know what, The Barley Mill is right beside Eau Claire’s Cineplex… Next Roland Emmerich movie screened, you’ll find me there first. Except maybe Stargate. That movie stands on it’s own two legs.

2012

Playing at Cineplex Odeon Eau Claire Market
2nd Ave at 2nd Street SW
See cineplex.com for tickets

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